Would you like a psychic lap-dance for $60?

“Do you like Sedona?” I yelled, trying to be heard at the bar.

“Yeah!” she yelled back. “What about you?”

I was here with my friend, Marko. I’d be going to Colorado the next week for a work thing, so I stopped in Phoenix to see him and we made a trip for the weekend. And here we were in Sedona, talking to girls we met at the bar.

I’ve always wanted to visit Sedona as I’ve wanted to see a psychic. What’s stopping me from finding love? Is there another path I should be on? Any health issues, or bonus items I should be aware of — a $20 bill folded somewhere in a pair of pants? You know, the questions I usually ask in these blog posts.

It took about 20 minutes upon arriving to realize my answers weren’t here. The main strip was modern restaurants and couples in Patagonia jackets. Everyone seemed more concerned about their mimosas than their auras.

So when this new friend at the bar asked if I liked it here, I gave my honest answer. “No,” I said. “Not really. The nature’s incredible. Like, top tier. But the whole place just feels so…commercialized.”

(I should’ve just lied).

Sedona, however, is gorgeous. Marko and I arrived on a Friday night and pulled in right during golden hour. We drove straight to a lookout spot, each poured a glass of wine and watched the colors change from orange to red to purple across a wall of rock.

There is something to be said though about the energy here. Sedona’s known for its spiritual draw. There’s a psychic every ten feet on the main road, with “energy vortexes” scattered about. I don’t feel a reputation like that just appears by random.

Turns out, Sedona’s on ley lines, just like Yelapa, Mexico. Longitudinal and latitudinal lines intersect, creating heightened, charged pockers of energy (aka a “vortex”). What that means, in practical terms? I can’t exactly say. But from what I observed, it’s a gathering place of yogis, shamans, medicine folk and other energetic healers.

But no one here seemed really too concerned with that. On our second day, we hiked to one of the most famous lookout spots. It was mostly couples on getaways or packs of three girls who just finished yoga. The trail was pretty crowded on the way up. That’s fine. But upon reaching the summit, it sounded like we were approaching a wedding hall: kids were screaming. Voices were echoing and booming. Teenage girls were taking selfies and 360 shots. One woman ever so fittingly had a sparkly Minnie Mouse baseball hat. Swarms of kids were screaming as their parents mindlessly trailed behind them. Even at the peak, three girls launched a freaking drone to buzz about, before, in a swift moment of poetic justice, a park ranger materialized out of nowhere to read them a glorious riot act and write a hefty ticket, all within earshot.

It was spiritual Disneyworld, I told myself. A ton of spirit, yet hardly any soul.

And still. Even though I had my doubts, I still wanted to visit a psychic — if anything, just for the experience. Marko, bless him, isn’t your most New Age kind of guy, but he was kind enough to carve time for this as he knew it was important to me (as I said, it was my main reason for flying here).

One place caught my eye, “The New Age Center.” It seemed to have the most character, where other places felt like they were straight from a strip mall.

Hopes got a little dashed as a sandwich sign outside featured one of their psychics, with a caption below reading: “As seen on The Bachelorette & Ancient Aliens.”

We walked in and there was a wall of psychic photos. Each had their bullets and specialties, mostly related to work or love. I walked through the crystal section and into the back area where a receptionist sat, taking appointments for the psychics. On the desk was a large binder with pictures and more bullets. “Just choose the psychic you want, whoever you feel most drawn to,” she told me, “and I’ll make an appointment for you.”

Prices ranged from $55 for 15 minutes to $160 for 45.

One of the psychics phoned and said he was immediately available, I could schedule an appointment now… but I just couldn’t do it. Even for fifteen minutes. I saw the staircase where they walk you up to do your reading, the binder of cheesy photos, the prices…and the whole thing felt like choosing dancers at a strip club.

It makes sense. Before coming, we looked on Reddit for best psychics in Sedona. No one gave a definitive recommendation until one post finally said:

“Sedona’s good for pretty rocks and rich people who are readily eager to part ways with their money.”

I walked away from the New Age Center and felt glad.

When it was time to leave Sedona, I still didn’t have my answers. Yet that felt fine. I don’t mean to sound trite by saying this, but psychics are everywhere. Yes, there’s literally four in my Brooklyn neighborhood, but even beyond that: How often does the bartender, the woman at the bus stop, the person on the airplane, deliver something prophetic and deeply penetrative, the exact thing you need to hear?

You don’t need to fly to see a psychic. Often, the message finds you, I felt. You just need to ask the right question.

Now, full disclosure: I entirely intended to end the post like that. But that wasn’t the way it intended.

I arrived in Colorado the next night. I wasn’t feeling great upon landing. I got into the Uber (company expense) from the airport and the driver made conversation. His name is Johny. I told him about Sedona — that I’d just come from there, and how the place just felt kind of…pornographic.

Turns out he’s been, but had a wildly different experience. He went on a retreat for some energy work, far away from the brunch-bustling crowds, and had a truly spiritual experience. It began his own career in energetic healing and Buddhist psychology. How fitting.

(This was my hunch, too — that you had some real spiritual heavy hitters in Sedona, but you’d have to get far off the strip to find them).

It was a long ride and we got to talking. He asked why I wanted to see the psychics, and so I told him about my relationship woes. Er, not even — I guess you have to be in a relationship to have woes. I told him I go on a few dates, get really excited, and then get bored. It was a cycle I want to break out of.

“What do you after one of these end?” he asked.

“Uh, go to the next one?” I said jokingly. “No. I usually take time off the dating apps. Then I get lonely, or ready to date again, and fire them back up.”

“No, I mean like, do you do any closure after each one? Or reflection?”

“I usually just talk to a therapist,” I said. “Or my Mom.”

“Here’s what I mean,” Johny said. “Years back, I had relationships that kept sputtering out. So after my last one, I did a lot of meditation on it. Like, a lot. And one night, the image of a mirror appeared. It turned around to face me. For the first time, I looked at what I might have been doing to end these, instead of them. And dude, it was horrifying.”

“I did a lot of work on that,” he continued, “but once I was ready for a relationship, like really ready, I started to bring a lot of intention into it. For example, I used to sleep in the middle of my bed and take all the space. But I said, if I have a partner, I need to start sleeping on one side. I cleared a shelf in my bathroom for where her things would go. I’d meditate on the person I want to be with, and try to feel that feeling of what it’s like to be in a relationship, and focus on that.”

“I was 36 when I met my wife,” Johny added. “And that was after a ton of dates. But I gave myself a really hard criteria. It either had to be a Hell Yes or a no. Nothing in the middle. So even women who were really cool, if it wasn’t a Hell Yes, I just said, nice to meet you, but this isn’t what I’m looking for. Then eventually I met my wife.”

“And you knew immediately?” I asked.

“Right off the bat,” he said. “As soon as we sat down, even before, I felt that magnetism. I just knew it. It was a Hell Yes right from the start.”

When Johny dropped me off, we exchanged numbers. I told him I’d love to be in touch about Sedona retreats, about this conversation, and for possibly working together in the future.

“And by the way Johny, you want to know what makes this conversation really special?” I said. “I’m 36 too.”

Sedona: Spiritual Disneyland

Finland: Journey into Darkness